Conventional or just Narrow Minded?

No, I am not one of those brazen young women who walk down Kingston Avenue in steep necklines that beg for cover out of sheer embarrassment, or naked feet tipped brightly in red nail polish, peering out cheerfully from between flip flop separators. My skirts are not skirting my knees- (and that's on a good day)- and my elbows are gently covered by sleeve. I know that if I were married, I would wear a full head covering when I leave my house- and that doesn't mean a half wig, a kerchief revealing three fourths of my hairline, or unfortunately, no head covering at all.

But neither am I, what people like to call, a conventional girl. Predictable, typical, normal… a conformist. Yes, I love to shop, I love clothing and I love fashion. I don't believe in melting into the crowd. I don't believe that chassidish has to come at the cost of plainness and sometimes, sadly, dowdiness. I don't believe that by ignoring the trends and our outer appearance, we become better and more wholesome individuals.

Do I want to stand out and make a statement? No. Do I want to be an individual and feel good about myself? Yes. Why do the two negate each other? Why has our society become one where anything a little out of the box is frowned upon, for fear of becoming a different shape altogether? Why is it that when I wear a vintage dress and gold jewelry and camel moccasins, the one thing I fear is the reaction of those who need me to be ‘regular’?

I don't look any less put together than the ‘traditionally’ dressed girl. I am definitely not less tznius than the ‘traditionally’ dressed girl. So what does she have going for her that I don’t? That she is traditional and I like to express my individuality? That she feels unattractive and doesn't bother looking too long into the mirror while I enjoy selecting clothing and applying makeup? That might make me sound materialistic and vain- but I do believe that every Jewish women and girl should strive and want to look her best. Not just for her husband, though that is reason enough, G-d knows! But for herself. For her self image and self worth and self appreciation.

Looks are not everything. We hear the cliché time and time again. But if we are true to ourselves- they are pretty high up there at the end of the day. Is it a sin for a frum girl to have the desire to beautify herself?

I love shopping. I have an eye for color and style and I enjoy coming to a store, checking out the latest additions; the dresses, the shirts, the skirts and oh, of course, the shoes and purses! I don't follow fashion as such, but I follow myself- what appeals to my taste, what suits my figure and flatters me. Im not a slave to the trends, but I will use them to my benefit, taking the good from the bad and creating an image that is me. This image is not usually conventional. It is always tznius. That is what matters to me.

‘If we would all go down the same track, no one would leave footprints.’ Judaism is a goal and the journey there is different for everyone. Yes, we all need to end up at the same place- but must we all take the same path? There are paths that travel through trees and rivers, paths that travel over mountains, paths that travel down caves. Why has it become synonymous with evil when one becomes unique in the path she has chosen to embark upon? If the path is not deviating from the truth and is not pushing its boundaries, the goal will be met just the same, maybe in an even richer and more meaningful way.

Temptation is out there, I know that. Does temptation come in the form of fashion and looks? I’m sure it does. And I know that I slip up every so often. But I don’t believe that abstaining from that world will distract me from its lures. It is highly more thrilling, and yes, challenging, to try on a beautiful dress and replace it on its hanger when it sits on the knee and just won’t meet my standards. The pang of regret twinges far less than the pang of the unknown. And seeing the fashions and tailoring them to suit my requirements and values can and often does feel extremely rewarding.

They tell me to conform. They tell me to blend in. They tell me to adhere to the rules.
Just be conventional, they say. And I wander- conventional, or just narrow minded?